How To Solve The Biggest Problems With Divorce

We are going to divorce – now what?

After the decision for dissolution has been made, the couple must then work out the terms of the settlement. Property allocations, child custody arrangements and support payments, alimony, costs and more must be agreed upon. In many cases, the two parties cannot reach amicable agreement. Each estranged party wants to insure all legal rights are protected. Emotions are raw and in most cases, there is a lot of anger and accusations in the relationship. At this juncture, bringing a professional divorce mediator into the process is an alternative.

Mediation for my divorce settlement – why it is better than an adversarial divorce?

In an adversarial divorce, the parties that cannot come to agreement on terms of the settlement rely on the judge to make the decisions and rulings. Most de-coupled people feel that ‘nobody wins” in that type of proceeding. Much time and money is expended trying to coordinate docket times between attorneys, the respondent parties and the judge. When one party is not forthcoming with asset information, etc., the discovery process can be extensive and very expensive. The term “adversarial” is appropriate in describing the contentious behavior that generally occurs. It is bitter and painful for all parties, especially when there are children involved.
A lot of the subsequent ill-will can be eliminated by the use of a professional divorce mediator instead of filing on an adversarial process. When there are issues that the pair cannot agree, the impartial third party mediator facilitates the discussion and works with them to come to a reasonable and rational settlement. Although the mediator represents neither party, his primary concern is the welfare of any children involved in the divorce. He is their advocate in the dissolution process.
When a couple uses the mediation process, it can actually speed up the entire divorce. Once they have come to a negotiated settlement with the mediator, it is only needs to be presented in court to become sanctioned and put into place. Most people that have gone through mediation find that the give and take process is much more effective and much less time consuming than going through the adversarial court proceedings. This means less money spent on attorney fees and court costs and more retained by the family.

What does the mediator actually do?

A good mediator is somewhat like a therapist. He listens. He keeps the sessions rational and flowing. He is focused on the task at hand – settling the estate – and keeps control. Each spouse presents their information and he facilitates the discussion. Again remaining neutral, he works with the husband and wife until they have agreed on the settlement or agreed to stop the process.

Should my case be mediated?

Mediation is only necessary when the divorcing couple cannot come to an agreement on some or all parts of the final settlement. If the spouses have already worked out arrangements that are legal and acceptable, there is no need for it. That rarely happens. Mediation does work better for most divorces.

When should I use another process?

It takes two to make the mediation work. If one of the spouses is unwilling to submit to the binding decisions of the mediator, it will not be appropriate. If one of the parties is not present (out of the area, whereabouts unknown, etc), it can’t be done. It is also not recommended for couples that have a history of violence or physical abuse in the relationship. That eliminates the opportunity for one to bully the other into his/her position. If the divorcing couple is unwilling to compromise, then they will likely end up in the adversarial divorce process.

What will this cost me?

Mediators are trained professionals and are paid for their time. Actual costs will be determined by the extent of the estate being divided, the number of areas of compromise and disagreement to be mediated, and the flexibility of the couple. Most husbands and wives do not bring their attorneys to the mediation sessions, eliminating that expense. Mediation rates vary, as does the amount of time required to reach agreement, but the average rates generally runs from $150 to $300 and hour and the process itself averages between four and six hours. Payment for mediation is also a part of the settlement agreement.

Compare those numbers to paying two attorneys court time rates to slug it out in front of the judge, and you can quickly see that mediation offers significant savings. Additionally, estranged couples that work out the money and property differences together in mediation tend to honor the agreement more than those that have a settlement forced upon them. There tends to be better compliance to support arrangements and less need to relitigate later.

Will the court accept my mediation agreement?

Once both parties and their attorneys have reviewed and signed off on the mediated settlement agreement, it can be filed with the court. The presiding judge will review the document to insure its legal compliance and that its terms are appropriate. Once that review has taken place, the divorce and be finalized.
Mediation can be an effective, non-combative, alternative for couples that have determined divorce is their only option. It can save time, money, and a lot of hard feelings in a process that is already tearing families apart.

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